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Archive for the ‘Scotty’ Category

A Big Adventure

10 years ago today I started out on a trip to begin the biggest adventure of my life… Marriage.

We left for Las Vegas on Wednesday March 26th. My red Pontiac Grand Am was packed tight with wedding decorations, luggage, tons of road snacks and laying gently on the very top my wedding dress. It was only 3 short days away from our wedding day.

I was so excited to start that road trip to start the biggest adventure of my life.

I didn’t know then how hard the road ahead of us was going to be at times. I wasn’t thinking about endometriosis and infertility at that time those words had never crossed my mind. I also didn’t know how great this adventure was going to be. I didn’t comprehend what it was going to be like ten years later when the same person can still make me laugh with just a look. I didn’t truly understand what it meant to have someone love me at my worst times.

Needless to say that drive was just the beginning. I am so glad we are still traveling in the same direction together.

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March is endometriosis awareness month.

I along with millions of other women have endometriosis. Endometriosis is the reason I am infertile. Endometriosis is a a painful medical condition. It is not a bad period. It is not bad cramps. I live with the pain of endometriosis everyday.

When we were trying to get pregnant the pain of endometriosis consumed me. I had surgery to try and relieve some of the pain. Because of where the lesions were they were not able to remove it all. Anything left will just continue to grow and cause pain.

Since having Kahlan I try not to talk much about having endometriosis. I feel guilty complaining when I am so very lucky to have not let this horrible disease steal my chance of being her mommy. I never want to appear ungrateful when I am so very blessed. I tell myself how much worse it could be after all it’s just chronic pain. I can power through this it’s not like I have cancer. I feel guilty complaining when things could be so much worse.

But on days like today when the pain is so bad that I can barely raise my right arm because my organs are all bound together by the scar tissue and so inflamed that lifting my arm any more than a couple of inches causes searing pain down my whole right side I hate endometriosis. I hate that it is never going away. I hate that there is no cure. I hate that people don’t understand it. I hate that because of it I am infertile and will never have another baby to hold.

On days like today it is easy to throw myself a little pity party. It is so easy to let the pain consume me. It would be so easy to just curl up in a little ball and cry. But I promised myself I would be strong. I promised myself I would be strong for myself and for my daughter. So I am going to stop complaining. Remembering that you don’t truly know how strong you are until you don’t have a choice. Holding my daughter close and smiling because I won the battle to be her mom and reminding myself never to let the pain define me. I am strong. I will continue to be strong for her. My illness will not define me. My strength and courage to keep fighting it will.

March is endometriosis awareness month. Endometriosis is part of my story…

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The other day Scott had 2 M & M cookies on a plate next to him. Kahlan walked right up to the plate picked one up & took a huge bite of it. He was shocked and sat there with his mouth wide open as she devoured his cookie. She then exclaimed “It’s okay Daddy there is still one left for you!” Of course that made both Scott and I burst out laughing. The kid never ceases to amaze us.

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Missing Fork

Last night Scott made up Kahlan’s plate for dinner but forgot to give her a fork.

She came running back into the kitchen and in a totally exasperated voice and said, “Daddy HOW am I supposed to eat my macaroni?!?”

Scott and I both just burst out laughing while he handed her a much needed fork.

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KinderCare was closed yesterday so Scott took the day off to spend with Kahlan. From what I hear they had the best day. They did a lot of running around town stopping at their favorite stores to do some window shopping. Scott came home with some great ideas on what she wants for birthday presents.

They even stopped and had lunch with me at work. Kahlan loved eating in the work kitchen. She couldn’t believe we had a tv in the kitchen.

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It sounds like they had a great day together and it was so nice to come home and see the two people I love the most so happy after spending a great day together.

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So needless to say I get a little attached to things. Giving up the Pontiac this weekend was a little hard as I began to think about all the places that car has taken us:

It was the first car I ever bought all by myself.

It was the first big purchase decision that Scott and I made together.

It was what we packed up with my wedding dress and drove all the way across the country to get married in Las Vegas. Side note it got a flat tire on our wedding day.

It was the car we packed up and moved to Arizona in. For no other reason than we really needed a change a break to get away from everything else and truly establish ourself as a couple.

It was the car that drove us to the Pacific Ocean for weekend getaways, to DisneyLand and to SeaWorld.

It was the car I walked out of a doctor’s office and cried in for nearly a half hour after an appointment where I was told I was infertile.

It was the car we drove to the Mall of America and to Chicago for many couple get aways. The last few years it was the car that the toll attendants in IL laughed at because only the back seat drivers side window would unroll so I could pay the tolls. Yep a little redneck!

It was the car that Scott drove gingerly home from the hospital after my first surgery where I got the official endometriosis diagnosis and was in pain and I winced over every bump in the road.

It was the car that I finally brought my brand new baby home from the hospital in.

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It was the car we took lots of naps in on the way to and from Grandma and Poppy’s house.

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It was the car that we discovered that the trip to Grandma’s house goes much faster if we stop for McDonalds and watch lots of Dora movies on the way.

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It was a great car to us with a lot of good memories.

I can’t wait to see where the next 11 years take us. I hope it is full of as many great times as the last 11 years.

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Life is a highway I wanna ride it all night long…

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The last time I bought a car I was 22 years old. It was the year before I got married. Scott and I hit the car lot looking for the perfect family car because I was sure that long before the car was paid off we would be filling that backseat with car seats. I chose a 4 door sedan because I wanted easy access to all those kids I was going to fill that car with in the next few years. I passed up sporty looking coupes because it would be too hard to maneuver the doors with kids in the backseat.

In 2002 I could have never imagined the uphill battle with infertility we were about to embark on. I certainly didn’t realize that the car would be paid off for more than a year before we even got pregnant. Or the fact that by the time Kahlan was born I was already ready to replace it. In fact I specifically remember sitting in the financing office and dreaming of the road trips we were going to take with our little babies in this wonderful 2001 Pontiac Grand Am.

Today we said goodbye to our wonderful 2001 Pontiac Grand Am. Chester served us very well over the last 11 years but with 197,736 miles on him and an engine that was about to blow up we decided it was time to let poor Chester go.

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Today I sat in a financing office once again signing the paperwork on a very cute 2011 Hyundai Sonata. I looked at the little girl patiently sitting on my lap and realized that even though we will never need a mini van or large SUV to seat all our kids that I am okay with the fact that a 4 door sedan is going to fit our little family of three perfectly.

I’m looking forward to the memories we are going to create while driving this car. Although to be honest at this point I am a little more excited about windows that actually roll down, an engine that doesn’t jump every time I stop at a stop light and that there is enough legroom that Kahlan can no longer kick the back of my seat!

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Kahlan and I decided to name her Mitzi, cute right?

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