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Archive for April, 2013

Kahlan and I just can’t get enough of this sunshine and warm weather. We would spend every minute outside in the sun if we could. After a long winter it feels so amazing to feel the warm sunshine on our backs.

Today after dinner we headed outside to play with chalk. We had so much fun drawing all over the driveway.

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We had a lot of fun practicing writing her name and then drawing hearts around the names of all the people she loves. She wrote Daddy all by herself…

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We are just loving the sunshine. I love spending time outside with my little girl.

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Spring has FINALLY sprung in WI. Well it did at least for the weekend.

Our little family spent the whole weekend outside and we had so much fun.

Scott took down the baby swing so now Kahlan has two big kid swings to swing on…

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We spent time playing on the slide… Going down the nice way and the silly way…

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We got new sand and sand toys for the sandbox…

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We ate grilled food outside…

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We flew a princess kite…

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And we took Kahlan’s baby for a bike ride…

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It was a great weekend in the fresh air. We really needed to get outside and out of this stuffy house!

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Happy NFL Draft Day! Let’s go Pack!

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She says she wishes she could have a sister.

She says she would let her sleep in her bed, share her toys, and wear all her old baby clothes.

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It’s the one wish that I can’t do anything about except tell her how much we love her, how she is our miracle baby, how she will hopefully grow up and have a best friend who will feel just like a sister. I hold her close and hope and pray that she knows she will always be enough. Hoping she knows how much joy she has brought to us, how she healed my broken heart.

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I think one of the hardest parts about infertility is having to tell people about it.

When other people get sick people sympathize with them. If you get cancer people ask if they can bring you a meal. Have knee surgery? Other people are kind enough to ask to walk your dog. Tell someone you are infertile and they think they can solve your problem by telling you to relax or by diminishing your disease by making you feel selfish because why wouldn’t you just adopt if you can’t have a child naturally. They somehow think by trivializing infertility you will no longer be infertile. Infertility is treated more like a state of mind than an actual medical condition making it even more painful for those already battling this terrible disease.

Personally, for the first few years of our battle with infertility the only people who knew what was going on were my parents and my husband’s aunt. They were the only people I could handle knowing the whole truth and to this day I know I would not have gotten through this without them.

But I do remember when we started being honest about my infertility. And I remember the cruel things people asked and said to us. People actually asked us or told us:

So who has the problem you or him? Seriously like I didn’t already feel guilty enough that endometriosis was ruining my life now I was the sole source of our childless existence.

Someone (while explaining to me what a great father my husband would be) suggested it might be better if my husband leave me because he would be such a great dad and it was unfair for me to force him to stay childless.

A lot of people told us that God must just not want us to have children. As if suffering from infertility was a punishment sent down from heaven itself.

But I also remember the kind things that people did:

My mom was there every step of the way. She cried with me. She held me. And she knew sometimes I just needed to get away from it all and laugh. She bought baby gifts and wrapped them for me to take to friend’s showers so I wouldn’t have to endure the baby department.

My husband’s aunt was amazing. She held my hand through painful surgeries. She brought me flowers, made sure I had pedicures and just loved me even on my most difficult days.

Other people sent cards saying they were thinking about us.

My point is it is incredibly hard to admit to being infertile. It is a very personal disease. In some ways it feels like you are inviting people right into your bedroom. So when and if someone is brave enough to trust you with knowing about their infertility please be kind. Make them a meal, offer to walk their dog, be a shoulder to cry on. Most importantly acknowledge that infertility is a disease. Relaxation will not cure it. Adoption will not cure it. Trivializing it will not make it any less painful for someone going through it. And by acknowledging the disease and by being supportive hopefully someday they will look back at the dark times and say “I couldn’t have done it without you.”

To learn more about infertility:

http://www.resolve.org/infertility101http://www.resolve.org/infertility101

Http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html

I am writing this post in honor of National Infertility Week April 21st – 27th. Resolve has issued all bloggers a challenge to: Join the Movement a chance to educate others about infertility.

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This week is National Infertility Awareness Week and this week I will be writing about our struggle to get pregnant with our miracle baby and what those who are struggling with infertility wish you knew.

Infertility affects about 6 million American couples or roughly 10% of the reproductive age population. I am one of those 6 Million Americans.

We decided in January of 2004 that we were ready to start our family. In October of 2006 I decided to see a doctor as it was apparent that something was wrong. We finally gave birth to our miracle baby on March 10, 2009. Since Kahlan’s birth we have been unable to get pregnant again. Infertility has affected so much of my life. Infertility hurts and the stigma of infertility at times can be the most painful thing.

Today I want to focus on things you may not want to say or do if someone in your life is struggling with infertility.

1. Trust me we have already heard about your sister’s cousin’s best friend’s aunt who also couldn’t get pregnant and as soon as she was able to relax and stop thinking about it… BAM!! Now she’s pregnant. Please don’t tell us to relax. Do you really believe we could relax with the constant charting, drug therapy, painful surgeries and the worrying that if we just relaxed enough it would happen. This statement as well intentioned as I suppose it is is not at all helpful.

2. We also don’t care about your sister’s uncle’s cousin who just adopted a baby and now they are pregnant. First off adoption is off limits to a lot of us because of the cost, some of us can’t imagine or face the fear of having finally found a child only to have the birth mother change her mind. Once again this is not very helpful especially when you open the phrase with there are so many children out there who need parents. When you are struggling with infertility unfortunately it does not feel like there is an abundance of available children.

3. While you are standing there with your four adorable children please do not ask me if I think it’s selfish to only have one child and wonder aloud if she will grow up to be horribly spoiled and basically scarred for life by not having a sibling to share her life with. You seriously could never understand the pain I go through everyday and the way my heart longs for another child while trying to make sure my one and only miracle child knows she will always be enough.

4. I personally struggle and have to bite my tongue when people tell me how hard they “tried” to get pregnant. As in “Cooper and I tried for two months to get pregnant”. Trust me if sex is still fun you are not trying you are just not “not trying” to get pregnant. I tried for 4 and a half years. That’s 54 months. I peed on a stick at least half of those months. That is trying. Don’t be offended when we laugh at your definition of “trying”.

5. There are going to be a lot of times that we may not be able to look at pictures of your brand new grand baby. We know she is adorable and we know how proud you are and a part of us is so very happy for you but a part of our own heart is breaking with the thought that this might never come true for us. Please please please do not shove pictures of beautiful newborns in our faces.

6. There may be days that we can’t face another pregnancy announcement or baby shower. Once again even though a part of us is so happy for you a big part of us is grieving with the not knowing if we will ever be in your shoes. And frankly we are so jealous of you. We are green with jealousy. Selfish? Probably. True? Hell yes.

So now that I have vented about what not to do let me tell you what you can do.

1. Shut Up! Please just shut up and listen. When we have a bad day when our whole world is crumbling, we just need you to listen. We need you to hold us when we need to let out a good cry. Laugh with us when we need a break from the pain. And understand that we are going to have bad days in fact we are going to have a lot of bad days. So just be there. Be our friend. We need you. Just you. Nothing you can say will help but just being there that my friend will be more than enough.

To learn more about infertility:

http://www.resolve.org/infertility101http://www.resolve.org/infertility101

Http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html

I am writing this post in honor of National Infertility Week April 21st – 27th. Resolve has issued all bloggers a challenge to: Join the Movement a chance to educate others about infertility.

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This is how we hang out while Daddy takes forever shopping at Fleet Farm.

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