Archive for January, 2012

Times Are Changing…

I am not a huge fan of change.

In certain areas of my life my fear of doing something new borders on ridiculous. For example, I have a huge fear of drive throughs. I just can’t bring myself to drive into one. I’m scared they won’t be able to hear me over the speaker, that I will pull in too close and scratch my window, that I will pull in too far away and won’t be able to hand them my money. The amount of time I have wasted due to this ridiculous fear is absurd.

It stretches to other areas of my life as well… I have a hard time using new gas stations because I am scared that I will be unable to figure out how to work the gas pump, so I always use the same familiar gas stations and get very anxious when I have to force my self to use an unfamiliar one for the first time. I get anxious going to new restaurants because I am scared I will not know what to order or mispronounce it upon ordering and look like a fool.

Most of all I am scared of making a huge mistake. Because of this there have been times in my life that I have stuck with something for too long just because it was more comfortable and it took away my fear of the unknown.

Today I am making a decision. A decision that I am hoping is right for me and my family. A decision that will result in a big change for all of us. A decision that due to my fear of change was harder to make than it should have been. But a decision that I am so excited about and really at peace with.

This week I leave a job where I have had many successes over the last 7 years. A company that I have truly enjoyed working with for the last 10 years. But as with many things in life, has not ended up how I anticipated. So I am moving on. I am going to try and leave the fear of the unknown behind and jump into my new opportunity with the outlook that this change will be the best thing for me and for my family.

I’m excited. I’m scared. I’m hopeful. But most of all I am proud of myself. I am proud of myself for trying to overcome something that is truly difficult for me… change.

I’ll just keep working on it until it doesn’t seem so difficult… baby steps, right?


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Sometimes you just have to get away. Lately my mind has been working overtime and so it was the perfect weekend to go to my mom’s house (it’s actually my parent’s house… although I always call it my mom’s).

My mom kicks into overdrive when I am stressed out. She will basically do anything in her power to make things easier for me, which to be honest is exactly what I needed this weekend.

Scott stayed home with my dad and they had a weekend full of playing XBox while my mom, sister, Kahlan and I literally shopped until we dropped on Saturday. It was so great. My sister and I were able to try on a ton of different clothes and I was able to do it without having to chase Kahlan around. Better yet, my sister and I found some really great deals and had so much fun just hanging out. It was a great way to get my mind off all the stress I have been dealing with for the last several weeks.

After a day full of shopping we relaxed at my parents house for the night. I took a long bubble bath and my mom brought me a glass of homemade raspberry wine. So good. I took a long bath and read and was not interrupted by Kahlan the whole time. It was wonderful and a great way to unwind after a long day.

My mom rocked Kahlan to sleep and we all watched a really good movie on Netflix and I didn’t have to get up off the couch for the whole two hours the movie was playing to take Kahlan to the bathroom or get her a glass of water or respond to a million other of her normal little requests. It was great.

Kahlan was adamant about sleeping on her Tinker Bell air mattress in Poppy and Grandma’s room so Grandma did not get a very good night sleep, but I slept the whole night long without waking up once.

I don’t know what I would do without my parents. They are always there when we need them and always seem to know exactly what I need and they try so hard to make things easier on us.

I really needed this weekend. I really needed a break. I am so lucky to have them in my life. Kahlan is so lucky to have them as her grandparents. Today I feel very blessed and feel refreshed enough to at least try to get through this next week and all the stresses it is bound to bring me.

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Fun Photo Friday


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Horrible Sleeper

Kahlan has been a horrible sleeper from the day she was born. When she was a newborn no matter how sound asleep she was the moment I laid her in her crib she would wake up and the screaming would begin.

Her trouble with sleeping has not gotten much better over time. It has led to many long nights and middle of the night tired fights with myself and my husband.

When Scott was on vacation last month we decided it was time for Kahlan to fall asleep and stay in her bed all night long. We started a story time where I sit in her bed with her and Scott reads her stories until she falls asleep. This has worked very well. We have very little problems on a good night with the routine.

The problem is she wakes up 4-5 times a night crying out for me. If you go on her room and tell her to lay back down she will fall right back asleep but if you ignore her she winds up to a full blown panic and it can take a good hour to get her back to sleep.

I know I should be grateful for all the progress we have made in the last month, but I am so tired… I just want a night of uninterrupted sleep. I fear we may never get to that point.

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Lately Kahlan has been coming home from daycare with new songs to sing. Her two new favorites are “Ring around the Rosy” and some version of a song called “Clean Up Everything” which she starts singing when we ask her to pick up her toys.

It really is the cutest.

Last night as I was happily tucked in on the couch still trying to recover from the flu, Kahlan was dancing around the living room singing, “Ring around the Rosy, Ring around the Rosy, All Fall Down” while launching herself at the carpeting on the cue of “All Fall Down.”

Without even looking up from his book, my darling husband commented, “That is the sweetest song I have ever heard about the Bubonic Plague.”

I don’t know if it was my fever, but I found this so funny and have not been able to stop laughing about it every time I think of it.

Kahlan totally oblivious to what was going on continued to sing.

Just another day at our house… not sure what I would do without my two weirdos. They sure make my life a lot more exciting.

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Mama’s Sick

It has been a rough two days at our house.  The flu snuck right up on me and knocked me out pretty good.  I am starting to feel a little better, but am always reminded how weak your body can truly make one feel.  I just have no energy.  I am just hoping that somehow Scott and Kahlan do not get sick.

When I am sick it always shocks me how much of my day is spent just being a mom.  It was rough on Kahlan yesterday when I didn’t feel well enough to lay on the floor and let her pretend to put me down for a nap.  It was rough when I didn’t feel well enough to spin around the living room with her singing “Ring Around the Rosie.”  About all I was good for was snuggling with her and reading her books on the couch and thank goodness for Netflix with endless episodes of Dora and Sesame Street to keep her entertained until I could take her to school.  It was really hard for her when she called for Mommy in the middle of the night and she got Daddy instead because Mommy was too busy being sick. 

So I am glad that I am starting to feel a little better.  It is also good to be reminded of how lucky I am.  I get to have this little bundle of energy around me constantly to remind me that I have to get up off the couch and play. 

I seriously would not have it any other way, but next time when I am sick I am seriously calling my mom.  The help would have been nice. 

And it is kind of nice to be reminded that I am the center of one very special little girl’s life and that on a normal day I must be a pretty good mom because she sure didn’t like the sick version.

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I Feel Sick

I have the flu. I feel awful. I feel so weak and miserable… Today all I want is my mom!


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